Rebel
by IndigoNightandRayneStorm
Summary: There were a great many things that Remus could list as being not alright. But most of all, he was completely and totally, hopelessly in love with his boyfriend, Sirius Black. Problem? Maybe. Slash, RemusxSirius. Oneshot! Marauder's era.


**Title: **Rebel

**Author: **IndigoNight

**Summary: **There were a great many things that Remus could list as being not alright. But most of all, he was completely and totally, hopelessly in love with his boyfriend, Sirius Black. Sure, that didn't sound like a problem, but that's only if you didn't know Sirius Black. You see, Sirius was a rebel.

**Feedback: **Yes please, yay reviews!

**Pairing: **SiriusxRemus

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter or the characters I'm just borrowing them for fun.

**Spoilers: **Nope, not really

**Warnings: **Slash, don't like, don't read.

**Author's Note: **Just an idea I got and had to write, once again, my favorite pairing. Recently I've become completely and totally obsessed with them, so look forward to plenty from me on the subject. RemusxSirius forever! Don't forget to review!

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Remus sat in the dark of his dormitory. He was alone, curled up on his bed. He knew his moment of peace wouldn't last long, he knew that any minute one of his friends would come bounding in and talk him into another game of Exploding Snaps, or Wizards Chess, or perhaps into participating in some prank or any other that ran the high risk of getting them all kicked out of Hogwarts. But for now he could just sit there, he didn't have to smile, or laugh, he could wrap his arms around his aching chest, close his eyes, and pretend for just a moment that everything was alright.

Because in reality, things were very far from being alright. There were a great many things that Remus could list as being not alright. Like for instance, that he was unfortunately a werewolf and the full moon was next week. Or that his N.E.W.T.s were coming up soon and he didn't feel in the least prepared. Also, he could add, that the most powerful dark wizard of the age was rapidly gaining more power and more and more people disappeared everyday. But most of all, he was completely and totally, hopelessly in love with his boyfriend, Sirius Black.

Sure, that didn't sound like a problem, but that's only if you didn't know Sirius Black.

You see, Sirius was a rebel. Ever since first year when the Sorting Hat had put him in Gryffindor and he had turned his back on everything his family had been feeding him for his whole life, Sirius had started his never ending crusade to do anything and everything that his parents wouldn't approve of.

First it was pulling practical jokes, it was breaking the Black tradition of being stuffy and believing he was better than everybody else. Then it was becoming best friends with a blood traitor like Potter, and a half-blooded werewolf. He had grown out his hair; he'd covered his walls in Gryffindor red and gold; he'd dated every girl in the school.

Then he'd decided he was gay. Not only that, as if that hadn't been enough, he'd made all of Remus' most secret dreams come true, and decided that he like his half-blood werewolf best friend.

Of course it had been great at first. Remus had been in heaven. Suddenly Sirius was doing all the things he'd hardly dared dream of, and Sirius took every opportunity he got.

He had whined and pouted until Remus stopped sleeping in his own bed. He would bound down the stairs every morning into the common room with Remus' hand tightly clutched in his own. At every meal he'd practically sit in Remus' lap, laughing and joking, smiling smiles that were just for the sandy-haired boy. In class he would pass Remus notes, usually some sort of long winded rant about the particular way that Remus' hair flopped over his forehead or some other such nonsense that would make Remus blush.

Sure, that all seemed well and good. Sure, that made it look like Sirius was hopelessly in love with him to. And oh god how Remus wished he could believe that it was true.

But Remus knew. He saw all of the wandering glances Sirius passed at the people around them, Remus felt the way Sirius would pull back slightly as soon as they no longer had an audience. It didn't pass Remus' notice how reluctantly Sirius seemed to be to kiss him when they were alone.

Remus knew for a fact the Sirius had screwed girls before he even knew their name, but he had never once tried to go all the way with Remus, even though it had now been a year since they'd gotten together.

Sirius never once remembered their anniversaries. When it was just them with James and Peter, he acted as though nothing had changed.

For so long Remus had tried to deny it, to tell himself that that was just Sirius' way. But that morning at breakfast realization had dawned on him with horrifying clarity.

It had started just like always. Sirius was cooing over Remus just like always, his usual cheerful self. But Remus was tired, for weeks now he'd been getting this funny feeling whenever Sirius looked at him, and it made his heart ache, because it knew that Sirius was getting ready to move on to the newest faze of his rebellion.

"Remmy?" Sirius whined, thick as he was, finally catching on to Remus' distant attitude, "What's wrong?"

Remus shook himself out of deep thought and forced a smile. "Nothing," he said quickly, "What's today?"

Sirius gave him a look that plainly asked as though he'd lost his marbles. "Thursday," he answered plainly, raising his eyebrow.

"Right," Remus muttered, averting his eyes back to his bacon.

So now, later that evening, on the day of his one year anniversary with the man he loved, he sat alone in his dark dormitory, holding back tears and trying to keep his aching chest in one peace, because the man he loved didn't love him back.

"Oh Remus darling!" Came a cheerful voice and eager footsteps bounding up the stairs. Hastily Remus wiped his cheeks and rearranged his face into what he hoped was a believable smile.

Moments later Sirius appeared, grinning stupidly. "There you are!" he exclaimed, grabbing Remus' hand and trying to pull him to his feet, "Come on, I want to show you something."

"I'm not interested in seeing the newest prank you and James have cooked up," Remus snapped grumpily.

Sirius stopped, frowning at him, taken aback. "Remmy?" he asked, pouting and putting his face up close to Remus', giving him puppy eyes, "What's wrong?" he put a delicately childish tone to his voice as he pouted.

"Sirius, stop it," Remus said, closing his eyes, tears threatening once more.

"Stop what?" Sirius was now kissing Remus' jaw line.

Remus took a deep breath, "Stop it, Sirius," he said once again, more firmly this time, "Don't do this, please."

Sirius must have heard something in Remus' voice, as he did stop and pulled away, frowning, his childish, endearing manner gone. "Remmy?" he asked again.

"Get off me," Remus snapped, a part of him marveling that he'd actually managed to sound that harsh to Sirius. He could feel the tears flooding to his eyes, but refused to let them out just yet, he knew his heart was shattering, but he wasn't stopping now. It was better, he decided, to just do it now and get it over with, than endure it while he waited for Sirius to break the news. "Stop, just stop." He shoved Sirius off of him, jumping to his feet and running for the door.

Just before leaving the dorm he paused. "And I _hate_ being called Remmy," he had planned for his voice to sound angry, but instead it came out as more of a pathetic sob. Then he ran, and ran, and ran, until Sirius was far behind him, but unfortunately, it wasn't so easy to escape his pain.

Remus ran, too blinded by tears to see where he was going, and not caring anyway. He didn't stop until his legs gave out on him, at which point he simply sank limply to the ground, where he lay and sobbed.

8

Remus had left behind him a very confused and troubled Sirius. But Sirius only had a few minutes to be puzzled about what had just happened before James came pounding up the stairs, Lily and Peter trailing behind him, and demanded to know what had happened.

Sirius was still shocked and staring at where Remus had been a few minutes before. "Dunno," he said faintly, "But I think he just broke up with me."

"What?" James exclaimed, "Why would he do that? He's nuts for you!"

"I thought so too," Sirius muttered.

At that moment, Lily gave a very loud sigh of exasperation and rolled her eyes dramatically. "You boys really are thick, aren't you?" she said.

The boys just stared blankly at her.

"Did you even remember what today was?" she demanded, turning her piercing green gaze on Sirius.

"Uh… Thursday?" Sirius said cluelessly.

"No, dolt, its your one year anniversary," she informed him smartly.

"No it isn't," said Sirius, but he didn't sound very convincing, "Is it?"  
With another sigh Lily picked up Remus' schedule, which he'd left laying on his bedside table and pointed smugly at the day, which Remus had surround with hearts.

"No way!" Sirius exclaimed.

Lily just rolled her eyes. "You treat him like he's just some trophy to be shown off for everyone else," she informed him coldly.

"None of the girls I dated seemed to mind the way I treat them," Sirius said dumbly. This was a revelation to him. He had always prided himself in being a wonderful boyfriend.

Lily looked like she could have smacked him. "Well, Remus isn't just some bimbo you picked up for a few days, Sirius!" She snapped, "He's a sweet, sensitive, genuine boy who is head over heels for you! And is now probably off crying his eyes out over his broken heart because you're too much of a git to realize how great he is!"

Sirius was staring at her with his mouth hanging open. "How do you know that?" he asked.

Now Lily _really_ looked like she wanted to hit him. "Because _I_ can see beyond the end of my own nose."

"Wow," Sirius mutter appreciatively.

"Sirius Black!" Lily was coming to the end of her patience, "If you don't get you're arse out there and go find some way to make it up to him this instant I'll be damned if I don't hex you into next week!" She was practically shouting.

All three of the boys were now staring at her in wide-eyed shock. Lily realized this and glanced around a bit self-consciously. "Well?" she demanded crossly, her arms crossed over her chest.

Sirius scampered. Peter was half way to the door too before he remembered she hadn't been talking to him, and even James had jumped.

8

Remus didn't know how much time had passed before he sat up, rubbing his eyes. Dimly he realized he was in the Shrieking Shack. He couldn't see outside through the boarded up windows, but he guessed it must be very late by then.

All the same, he just sat back against the wall and wrapped his arms around himself. He wasn't ready to go back yet, he wasn't sure he would ever be ready to go back.

He felt cold; empty. He couldn't believe he'd actually done it. A part of him felt like he should feel happy, or triumphant at least, but it was hard to feel anything over the hard, gripping, ripping, terrible, icy pain that threatened to tear him to shreds.

So he just sat there, shivering slightly, not from cold, but from a broken heart.

Dimly he became aware of a huffing behind him, but he didn't turn to look.

"There you are!" exclaimed a voice, Sirius' voice, "Do you know how bloody long it took me to find you?"

Remus turned to look at him with incredulous eyes. He had never for a second believed Sirius would come after him. "What do you want?" he asked, his voice not angry, as he'd hoped it would be, but sad and pathetic.

"To apologize," Sirius said quietly, "I don't know what I was thinking. I know nothing can justify the way I acted, but I hoped, that maybe, if I explained a bit, maybe you could forgive me."

If Remus had been staring at him incredulously before, that was _nothing_ to what he was doing now. He didn't say anything, he was too shocked to, so Sirius continued.

"I admit it," he said, his eyes on the ground at his feet, "I was an ass. I didn't realize that the way I was treating you hurt you. I thought that by doing all the stuff, that by proving to everyone else that I cared about you, it'd been enough to prove it to you too. But more than that, I was scared. I was afraid that if I really showed you, just you, how much I really felt that, I dunno, you'd change your mind or something," he finished lamely, "And… well, what I'm trying to say, is that I'm sorry, so ungodly sorry that you'll never believe." Remus was still staring numbly at him and he shifted uncomfortably. "I-I tried to think of some grand gesture that I could do, to prove to you how sorry I am," he fumbled, "You know, like they do in the stories, but nothing seemed to be quite… enough."

Now Remus was utterly, completely, wholly in shock. In fact, he was so surprised, that if he'd had enough presence of mind at the moment, he'd have been worried that he'd die of it. Sirius Black, the Sirius Black, had just said nine of the things on The Top Ten List Of Things Sirius Black Would Never Ever In A Million Years Say.

Then Sirius hit number one. "I love you, Remus," he said quietly, and Remus found that his eyes were over bright, "I love you so much. And I really wish that it hadn't taken the threat of loosing you to make me realize it."

"You-you love me?" Remus stammered, "You've never said that before."

"I should have," Sirius whispered.

In a flash Remus had leapt to his feet and flung his arms around Sirius, sobbing into his shirt. "I love you too," he whispered, "Oh god I love you, Sirius."

Sirius wrapped his arms around the werewolf and held him close, breathing deeply of his unique scent.

"I know," he murmured, "Which is why I got you this."

Remus drew back. Would the night's surprises never end?

Sirius pulled something out of his pocket, and going down on one knee held it out to Remus.

Remus began to cry again. It was a small, spider shaped ring that Sirius had gotten last Halloween.

"It was the only thing I could find on short notice," Sirius explained a bit self-consciously, "But the point is, that I love you Remus," now that he had said it Sirius felt like he would never stop repeating it, "I love you so much, and I want to be with you forever. I live to see you smile, to hear you laugh, and I don't ever want to be without that. Maybe I'm a selfish, arrogant prat, but Remus Lupin I want you to be mine, always and forever."

Remus took the ring, his hands shaking as he slid it onto his finger. Then they were in each other's arms again, crying and kissing and laughing all at the same time.


End file.
